*NB: From the outset, regardless of how you are tested and to what degree, it is essential to come back to reminding yourself that you were invited, chosen and privileged to be called to the House of God and not everyone gets this blessing. Alhamdulillah. 

Bismillah,

One thing that occurred to me after was something I hadn’t been prepared for myself when coming back from both Umrah and Hajj. 

I thought back to a conversation over WhatsApp messages with a Hajj buddy and old friend of mine who shared a story about someone she met on an Umrah trip in Madina who told her she dreaded coming back home each time she went for Umrah. My friend curiously asked why and this lady told her it was because every time she came back, she was tested. And not in an easy way SubhanAllah! The tests got harder and were difficult each time, so much so that being there felt safer than dreading even the anticipation of new trials. My friend and I thought about this and reflected on why this might be the case. We had certainly had first hand experience of this SubhanAllah so could completely relate to its truth! 

If we think about it logically, we have just completed a special and unique act of ibadah which erases all our sins and sends us back home as newborn babies SubhanAllah. Our enemy shaytan and his allies still very much exist and now have a new project or target to work on in us! In many respects we need to be fully aware of this and that we are returning to the literal dunya – the “lower world” from the extreme highs, peace and serenity we have just experienced. We all feel the heart wrenching pain of being back “home” when that plane hits the runway as a deep sadness washes over us along with a disorientation and absolute longing to return and keep our gaze fixed on the magnificent magnetic force of the Kaba. 

“You cannot go back the same – you must change and be better for this deen and appreciate the sacrifices that have been made for YOU, by all these great people, so YOU can be here today – don’t let them be in vain”  – The words of Shaykh AE in his dramatic speech at Uhud as we all stood there feeling incredibly overwhelmed, emotional, humbled and guilty, echoed in my mind. It was powerful but I don’t think it hit the way it has done now, over a year later SubhanAllah. 

I wish we could have anticipated the certainty of knowing that “You will be tested – you will have to prove that you are a true believer and carrier of this deen” – it’s almost like we come back sin free and now literally are faced with the most unpredictable and unimaginable challenges in order to “prove ourselves” and our love, devotion, commitment and ultimately submission to Allah SWT. 

Knowing this at the outset and truly letting it register and have time to think and even make an action plan of how we want to improve and be better and different when we are back is such a powerful exercise. We cannot simply come back just being “as we were”, thinking we already had good stable habits and made all our duas and not actually strive for more. Change needs to be from the inside out and we have to know within our core we are capable of so much better and more than we could imagine SubhanAllah. 

I would now sincerely advise others returning to make dua for Allah SWT to make the return easy, for your strength and absolute resolve to prove yourself to HIM that you are worthy of being amongst His most beloved slaves and that you are truly grateful for His invitation to embark on such a life changing journey. Alhamdulillah 

Let the journey be life changing in that you physically change your life inshaAllah. That will look different for everyone. For me it came in the form of everything from re-accessing my friendships, learning about self-compassion, to starting my journey of tajweed and forming a new relationship with the Quran, Alhamdulillah. For others it will look completely different and only you know deeply and honestly what your weaknesses are – and we’re all human and have them. But if you do struggle and don’t know where to start with implementing change, don’t worry too much about that either. The most important thing to remember is Allah SWT knows. He will rearrange your life and affairs in the most beautiful of ways that you may only be able to see years down the line, if ever! But trusting Him with it all, whether you understand it or not, and knowing He always wants good for you, is perhaps the biggest and sincerest act of submission your heart can do. 

May Allah SWT forgive us, guide us, protect us and keep us under the Mercy of His shade in this world and the next. May He allow us to pass every test in the best possible way and grant us the ultimate reward of His Pleasure and infinite company in both worlds. Ameen 

NB – The person who inspired this blog post requested that another be done to suggest practical ideas of what to do once you’ve returned home. You can find this blog post here:

Post-Pilgrimage Guide: 21 Tips to Keep the Umrah & Hajj Spirit Alive